LOLITA
by DevilDumont
Summary: Rated R for mature subject matter: Severus Snape--What haunting past has created such a bitter and tortured man? Oh it was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. Better summary inside. Please R&R!
1. Prologue

A/N Severus Snape is an embittered, tortured man with a haunting past. If we were to look inside his dark musings, would it surprise us to find a young girl with a bewitching aura? And just what catastrophic event happened that caused such a life of hiding behind stony masks?

Inspired by Nabokov's 'Lolita'.

This fic will not be very long, but not one-shot

"_It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight..."  _-'Lolita', Vladimir Nabokov

**PROLOGUE:**

    Beauty wounds the soul.

    This is true, this is so hopelessly, brutally true. Perhaps if there were no beauty in this world many a person and many a life would not have been hurt and have been broken.

    But this is the past and I can do nothing to change the past. No special charm nor spell that will allow me to erase the horrors I have inflicted upon the world. How far and deep has my treachery taken me? Oh, I do not know. There are countless errors I have committed, countless sins, and I have dug my grave deep and wide.

    I look about me and I still cannot believe that the Fates would let such luck befall a man of such dark history. It's not fair. There are others with cleaner slates, with whiter souls and purer hearts. Why do they not lavish in a stable job, a respectable presence in society and the trust of others? Why has it all come to me?

    I deserve none of these. In fact, I do not even deserve death. That would be too quick a resolution, too easy an absolution to the number of my sins. I wouldn't mind if they packed me off to Azkaban and let me stay within my cell, thrown to the mercy of the Dementors. No...even that would be too painless. I have no happy thoughts for them to feed off of.

    I think the most suitable place for me is some institution. Some institution where the walls are a dazzling, blinding white. Where the air is thick with the smell of sterilizer and crisp cleanliness. Where there are nurses and wards that walk about in their starched, becoming uniforms and they crackle with the demand of authority and respect. Where other patients would dribble on themselves, clap their hands and grotesquely hum to some ditty or other, where they would stare blankly at a wall or have frightening hallucinations, which required a quick sedative and calming session.

    And I would sit within my cell and look about at the token image of what cleanliness and order was. And I would laugh bitterly within myself and claw at my unworthy flesh and see the dirt and blights upon me. I, not even worthy of an institute for the people who have been forgotten and abandoned by the world.

    And I would think of her. Trapped within my own vicious cycle of thoughts. That would start from happiness and the memory of bliss and I would make my torturous way through the guilt and horror and depression and finally end back to where I had started. Broken and ever poisoning myself with beauty.

    With Lo.

A/N Please review!


	2. Light of my life

CHAPTER 1

    Severus Snape had been in the service of the dark lord for about four years now. He had been serving the dark lord faithfully for one year.

    After Severus had seen his hands washed with blood for the first time and heard the keening wail of a young girl beside her slashed mother did he truly start to see the horror he was causing. His heart turned to stone and though he committed his crimes, there was no fervor. No desire or want. He was sickened by them and his life was cloaked in hurt and shadow.

    So he waited like a coward. He attended the gatherings, obeyed his lord and participated in the wanton acts of cruelty and he did nothing. He did not speak out, try to run, he was stuck. He had nowhere to go and nowhere to hide so he hid in plain sight, never encouraging, never opposing.

    And now he was tired. Severus decided to take a break from all the craziness in London and with special leave from his job in research, and from the dark lord himself, he took a muggle car and drove it down the rolling countryside in search for some peace.

    The preparations seemed quite fast and hasty, but then, he was eager to escape. Even if it was for just a short while.

    Escape from the craziness at the ministry. From the shifty looks from the Aurors. From the ceaseless invitations from Malfoy and such other wealthy patrons. From the Dark Lord and his cruelty. From the newspaper headlines screaming of some other heinous thing he had done. From young girls keening for the loss of their mother as his hands were slick from some sickening ritual of flesh and blood.

    Severus shook his head. For a couple months at least, he was now a muggle man. He knew nothing of magic. He knew nothing of the chaos going on. He was blind and blissfully ignorant.

    When Severus made it to the little gas stop he walked over to a payphone as the working lads filled up the car with gas (a notion which still confused him) and rung up his friend.

    "Severus, bad news."

    He hadn't said anything except "Hello this is Severus" before Judith blurted out this unpleasant message.

    "What do you mean bad news?"

    His heart was sinking at the thought of having to go back to London and face the music once more.

    "You know the couple I hooked you up with? That were going to give you a little space to stay in during your little holiday? Well they've gone on their own little holiday and completely forgot. They say they're very sorry and if its any consolation its ceaselessly raining in Scotland."

    "But Judith, where am I to stay?"

    "Errr-"

    "You know perfectly well I can't stay in a bloody hotel! Good gods woman can't you think things out a little more clearly? I have every mind-"

    And then the phone clicked off. He stared at in bewilderment before he remembered quarters didn't give you much time. He considered fishing another one of the curious muggle coins from his pockets to call her again but decided against it. All she was going to do was blubber her apologies, fall to pieces, and totally forget about him afterwards.

    "Women are such troubling creatures."

    He muttered darkly under his breath as he stalked off.

    Severus walked over to the muggle car and found a peculiar sight. A young girl was perched daintily on the hood of his car, sucking a lolly and chatting up one of the working lads.

    "Oh hello, is this your car?"

    And it seemed all time had stopped and even those mundane, bland words caused fire to course through his veins as he stared upon the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

A/N Please read and review!


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